Topic: Balancing connection and boundaries at Christmas
is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate ALL that loving relationships
entail - the good, the bad and everything in-between! It's all part
of our evolution and growth as loving human beings on this planet.
for sharing the journey with me. I appreciate all of the feed-back
I've received over the year and love staying connected with you
in this way.
the power of Love shine brightly in your world this holiday season,
equals reality minus expectations.
can be wonderful and it can also be stressful. After decades of celebrating
this annual holiday I am still learning the fine art of balancing
the pressures with the joy. Along the way I've discovered some strategies
that help me stay grounded and receptive to all the love that is trying
to happen at this special time of year.
Christmas is so rife with expectations and family history, it is easy
to become enmeshed in the needs and desires of others. It can be challenging
to hang onto one's centre and sense of self, when expectations are
many and everyone's emotions are running high. Some people fall into
old patterns of "people pleasing", some may become aggressive, while
others want to run for the hills. I believe emotional maturity involves
balancing our autonomy with our desire for connection with others.
Striking that balance is a life-long learning process.
to share some Christmas strategies to which I aspire each year. They
are designed to help us foster connection with loved ones during the
holiday season, while maintaining healthy boundaries. I invite you
to experiment with the ones that resonate for you.
On Christmas invitations and activities:
your loved ones regarding shared plans and activities. Find out what
is important to them.
the feelings of others into consideration in your decision-making,
without abandoning your own desires and needs. Look for the win-win.
- If you
choose to adapt your preferences in response to others, commit to
do so freely and without resentment.
yourself permission to accept OR decline invitations. Remember: You
always have a choice.
a Christmas spending plan (in consultation with your partner) and
stick to it. (This includes how much you spend on each other.)
what spending is appropriate to your budget and your values, without
caving in to perceived expectations from others. Remember: Your value
and worth as a person does not equate with your ability to buy expensive
gifts. A gift from the heart has no set price tag.
your choice of gifts. Don't waste time second-guessing yourself
or trying to mind-read what will "make" the other person happy.
pleasure in your gift-giving. Let go of expecting the person receiving
your gift to react or respond in a particular way.
sharing the preparations with your partner/family:
clear, clean requests for what you need.
Don't expect others to read your mind regarding the help you need
- or resent it when they don't.
others the room to accept and decline your requests, without emotional
punishment or blackmail.
family meals and traditions:
the workload. If hosting, let your guests know how they can contribute
to the meal. If you are a guest, ask your host how you can contribute.
that Christmas traditions may differ and make space for the traditions/preferences
prepared to roll with unexpected changes. There's bound to be some!
room for differing opinions and viewpoints during mealtime discussions
- enjoy the diversity of personalities and perspectives!
or more strategies that appeal to you and experiment with them over
the Christmas season. Notice what works and the difference they make
to your holiday joy.
Christmas gift, David Steele, the founder of the Relationship Coaching
Institute, is offering a limited number of free copies of his book
Conscious Dating. This is a unique resource for singles and one that
I use in my relationship coaching. If you'd like a copy for yourself
or to give as a gift, go to: http://www.consciousdating.com/freebook.htm
I love to coach single and divorced men and women, who may feel discouraged in their quest to find a partner. Call or email today to take advantage of my complimentary introductory session. Find out how I can help you build a foundation for relationship success, avoid pitfalls from the past, and create a game plan for finding lasting love.
Vollett BSW PCC is a Life and Relationship Coach, with over 20 years
of combined experience in counselling and coaching. She delights in
helping pro-active individuals make positive changes in their lives,
their work/business and their relationships. Her clients appreciate
her ability to listen deeply, her compassionate wisdom and her support
in staying focused. Contact Shirley for a complimentary intro phone
session. If you are experiencing a challenge or are eager to make
some changes, explore how coaching works and how she can help. Click
on a link below or visit her website at http://shirley.vollett.com
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